*When God call’s us to wait, how do we wait without getting anxious or frustrated? I find myself asking “Why God? Why now? Why us?” I have a tendency to focus on the circumstances, the issue and not on what God wants to do in my life. God is writing MY story, though I may feel as if my life is out of control, I know that I’m under His watchful eye. I also know that I can completely trust in Him as I wait! Do I like it? NO! Waiting is hard; its long and it can be painful. But because He has me here, I am choosing to trust Him, even when I don’t see, or I can’t see, what He’s doing. His truth says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” These past 20 months I’ve seen God provide and work in many unbelievable ways. A friend shared a worship song with me that has kept my focus on Him throughout these many months:
He's in the waiting
He's in the waiting
About 20 months ago we had a tragedy strike our family. I was sitting at our dining room table praying, crying out to God and I asked, “God how will we get through this?” I placed my head in my hands and cried out again, “God help us.” In that very moment I heard God audibly speak, “I’ve Got This.” I lifted my head and turned to see who had spoken those words and then I heard him softly say, “I’ve got this.” At that very moment a peace swept across my soul that I’ve never felt before and I knew, in my heart of hearts, that God would carry us and give us the strength to step forward. I held and savored those words in my heart, for several months, waiting for God to bring about the time to share what He had spoken.
I knew I couldn’t process all that had happened so I made an appointment with a Christian counselor (never be afraid to talk with someone when you face struggles, they bring a light that we often times can’t see because of our brokenness or the emotions that cloud our vision). She shared a promise with me,
Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
If God was going to do our fighting I had to leave everything; the hurt, the pain, the struggles, the questions and the worry with Him and be still. I knew I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t figure it out or I couldn’t orchestrate the outcome only God could. I just needed to “let go and be still.”
I was like, “God it sounds so simple but how do I do that? How do I shut off my brain from everything and be still, to quiet myself? I’m not a sit-around-kind-of-person. I can’t sit in a chair without swinging my leg or bouncing my knee. When I drive I bounce my left leg. I remember a trip we took from Michigan to Colorado several years ago. Den and I were driving two separate cars. We drove two 12-hour days where my left leg bounced non-stop while I was driving. I didn’t even notice it but my kids sure brought it to my attention! I said, “God you know me, you made me who I am, help me understand how to be still.”
Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and Know that I’m God.”
Believe. Be ready and don’t move. Ok God, I said, I’m in. No matter what, I know “You’ve got this!” In my prayers it was not me directing God but it was just simply, “God help us!” Sometimes I could only utter His name, and I’d say, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.” Help me trust you, Jesus, in this very moment; not in the next hour, the next day or the next week but right now. Use this in our lives to bring honor and glory to you. Let those around us see you in all of this.
As I began searching His word, He led me to another promise.
Isaiah 41:10 and 13, “do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you with my righteous right hand. For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear, I will help you.”
Being still also meant that I had to let go of the fear that was crippling me. God promised a victory and He was giving me a special set to watch Him work it out.
And just when I think I’m getting it; understanding what God is asking, He peels back another layer and says, “lets also add trust in the mix!” and my husband looses his job. Now I need to be quiet and trust? But without skipping a beat, I chose to run into His arms. I didn’t question, I didn’t ask why, there was no point. I knew God had this too.
Deuteronomy 31:6, from the message says,
“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; He won’t leave you."
Someone shared this story on the radio not too long ago, “God you own the cattle on a thousand hills, could you please sell off a couple of them for us?” At first I laughed but then I realized there was nothing out of God’s grasp. He isn’t punishing us, thought at times it felt like it (which is a total lie from the enemy) he’s growing us. He does not promise us an easy life but He does promise us that he will be with us when we go through the hard stuff. If we have no battles to fight how can he lead us to victory?
John 16:33 says,
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have over come the world."
We were literally at His mercy with no human resources to rely on. When life is no longer normal, when you’ve been stripped of everything it is then you reach out and take His hand, seek His face and say, “I’m yours” and you wait with expectancy, to see how He will provide. And He does! Den and I decided early on we were not going to “grand stand” our plight. If God was going to see us through He was going to be the one to provide. As I prayed for our family, our needs, I would always conjure up in my head how I thought God’s provision would come. I’m sure some of you understand what I’m saying? You’d check the mailbox, your front steps, I mean, aren’t those the ways you’d humanly think God would use?
When we visited a church in our area we had no clue God would open a door for Den to be on staff. But God did! Though the position was part-time it was a paid position. Praise Jesus for that gift. In the middle of our mess God blessed my husband with the desire of his heart. In the fall I began attending a small intimate Bible study with five women from varying backgrounds; each of us on different journeys but we all wanted the same thing; to be real and honest in our walk and to be a community of believers that sought Him for everything. As we began our journey together I told myself to be quiet, to not share our story. The fear of rejection was so strong and I did not want to jeopardize my place in this group, but God had other ideas and forced it out of me one Thursday morning. Through tears I shared, everything, with these amazing ladies. They loved on me, prayed over me and wanted to walk with me. They showed me how God wants us to walk life out together. I gleaned so much from them, from God’s word and through prayer, during this time. My faith and walk were being transformed into a newness I had never known. I was given a new toolbox on how to combat the lies the enemy tried to feed me and how to renew my mind on the goodness of God. We don’t have to fight, because, “God will fight for us.” The one thing I did not share was how God spoke to me. I kept that still hidden in my heart, tucked away for safekeeping, or so I thought. A few weeks later I found myself beaten down by enemy and his lies. I dropped my guard and he pounced on me, not just in whispers but in loud lies. I listened and turned my eyes from God. Sunday was communion and I knew I could not participate unless I surrendered my will to God. I also found myself questioning the truth God spoke to me previously (I’ve got this). I think I just needed an extra does of confirmation. In my prayer time I asked God if he’d confirm His spoken truth to me; somehow, someway. On Monday morning my phone rang. I had a lengthy conversation with a friend and before we ended our conversation he said, “Cindy, God’s got this!” I immediately began to tear up and thanked him for his call. He had no clue how those three words touched my soul. God used him as a mouthpiece to my heart. During Bible study on Thursday morning God promoted me to share that part of my story I held so close. As I got to the part about God saying, “I’ve got this” my friend jumped to her feet and began jumping around saying, “only God!” I had no clue what she meant but when she finally calmed down she shared that she had something for me and she’d give it to me on Sunday. When I saw her at church, on Sunday, she handed me a small gift bag and her story of the gift unfolded. She said, “I was shopping for Christmas gifts months ago, when I picked up this gift, read it and placed it back down. I walked away and felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to buy it. I literally argued and said, “no”. I made my purchases and walked out of the store only to be prompted again to go and buy it. Again I argued and said, “seriously God, who needs that?” I don’t know anyone who needs that, but the spirit was persistent and I went back in and purchased it.” I then opened the tissue paper and out slid a thin silver bracelet, when I turned it around the words inscribed on it said, “I’ve got this!” God knew months before that I would need a visual reminder of his spoken words to me.
Never before have I seen God confirm His truth to me in such amazing ways and never again
will I question His spoken truth. It’s been a long hard 18 months but God has been faithful, “exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ever ask or think.” Our journey through tragedy is still an upward climb, God provides small victories along the way and we’ve seen His hand change the hearts of people, an atmosphere and provide in crazy supernatural ways. I’m learning to praise him in the hardest of hard times and the best of best times. I don’t know who said these quotes but they are spot on, “when all you see is your pain you loose sight of me" and "I can work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies.” We wait with expectancy to see God redeem and restore our family. Two friends at two separate times shared this same truth with me from,
Joel chapter 2 verse 25,“God will redeem what the locusts have eaten.”
I cling to this promise and that through it God will be honored and glorified, not because of anything I’ve done but because of what He’s doing and has done through me. As I look back to where I was “before” to where I am now, I can honestly say I’m so very thankful for the struggle we’ve faced. It’s because of Him that I’m able to have inner joy in the midst of deep sorrow. I see His hand in my life every single day; I look for it and anticipate how He will work out the issues, the struggles, the finances and the conflicts.
I share this with you to say, “don’t drop your guard for one moment, because when you do the enemy is right there ready to throw you down. I know he has a hit out on our family but I also know that “Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world.”
Now, back to the second part of our journey. Den worked lots of odd jobs, most of which the pay did not meet the need, but we continued to trust. This past June, a year later, he was offered a job as a project manager with a Christian Restoration company (even his work is leading us to restoration). God knew when the timing would be right and he opened the door. Again, He orchestrated the order of our lives. We are deeply thankful for the job and the income, we’re still playing catch-up from months without a paycheck but God knows and God provides.
One story I’d like to share of how God supernaturally provided for us was when Den was gone to Virginia for two weeks of training this past summer. We had to wait three weeks for our first paycheck and we literally didn’t have two nickels to rub together, we had very little food in the house and our van developed a sensor issue. I spoke with Den about it and he told me to take it to an auto parts store to have them read the code. Victoria and I went to the auto parts store first thing that next morning. We were the only vehicle in the parking lot and she wanted to stay in the car so I parked right in front of the doors so I could keep an eye on the van from inside the store. I stepped into the store only to find the attendants both busy and decided to come back later. As I walked out the door something on the ground caught my eye. I bent down to pick up what I thought was a piece of paper only to find one, $100 dollar bill. I turned to unlock the car and there under the edge of my door were more bills folded together. I bent down and picked up the folded bills and got into the van. Victoria says, “mom what did you pick up?” I handed her the folded money and asked her to count what was there. She excitedly said, “mom it’s five, $100 dollar bills.” Then she said something I’ll never forget, she said, “mom, I know God sent an angel to put that money there for us!” Oh to have the faith and trust of a child! We immediately thanked God for His incredible gift. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the money was not there when I got out of my van because when I turned back, hitting the automatic door locks there was nothing on the ground by my van. Though I knew God gave us this incredible gift, the human side of me wanted to make sure the money was real! And wouldn’t you know we just happened to have a money-marking pen in our van?? Who carries those in their vehicles?? I asked Victoria to mark each bill to make sure they were real! Each $100 dollar bill was authentic. I could not wait to tell my other two kids and Den because we had been praying God would provide while he was out of town.
There have been many times over the course of these past 18 months that I couldn’t darken the door of a grocery store because my heart ached over what I couldn’t buy for my family. My kids were amazing, they rarely complained about what we had to eat, even if it was pancakes night after night for months. We were grateful to fill our bellies with warm food and again we shared our needs only with God. One Sunday I was handed six, $50 gift cards to Safeway. I’ve got this! One afternoon I received a knock at my door and there stood five amazing women with huge smiles on their faces. They proceeded to unload a suburban full of food for our family. I’ve got this! Our adult kids, who live here, in our area, and all over the country, have blessed us from their own bounty. I’ve got this! Special friends, by the Holy Spirits leading, have surprised us with an evening meal. I’ve got this! Humbling yes, but when God guides, He provides and in supernatural ways!
I have learned many lessons over these past months and God continues to give me hope as I search His word, stand on His promises and obey. One area that I struggled with was in serving. It’s very hard to serve when you are struggling. You want to hunker down and stay in your protective environment. But God’s highest form of praise is to serve Him by serving others. Stepping out of my comfort zone to serve Him was hard, there were many times I didn’t feel like it or didn’t want too. There were times when I wanted to help people by giving them a dose of perspective but God held my tongue. He continues to change my own perspective on serving, on what’s important and what’s not, and to praise Him in the midst of the chaos, the turmoil, and the storm!
I Samuel 12:24 says,“Be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart, consider what great things he has done for you.”
Recently, I came across this truth in my devotions, “put God between yourself and the enemy. Believe that he is between you and your difficulty, and what troubles you will flee before Him as clouds in the wind. God does not open paths for us before we come to them, or provide help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are at our point of need, God’s hand is outstretched. We must step into the water. . .”Believe God!
Mark 11:24 says, “Whatever you ask for in prayer, “Believe God!”
In his book, The Circle Maker, Mark Batterson states, “Praying hard is standing on the promises of God, when we stand on His Word, God stands by His word. . . .His word is His bond.” Believe God!
This past week, reading in Isaiah, I came across these two verses in chapter 43, verses 18 & 19, that has given me a fresh new outlook. It has become my mantra for stepping forward, not backwards and keeps me from the “if only’s”:
“Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you see it? Indeed I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.”
