another page has turned. . . . . .
In less than a week we've had to say "goodbye" to another son! I don't remember signing onto the painful goodbyes when I became a mom 30 years ago.......never would I have thought I would love and care about anyone the way I do my husband and my kids. Most people look forward to the day their kids start school, when summer vacation is over, when Christmas break is over, when they head off to summer camp, when they graduate, go off to college, leave home for good......not me. Maybe I'm different, weird, whatever the case I never have, not even once, looked forward to those; on the contrary I loathe the end of summer, the ending of their school vacations, graduations, college, etc. I LOVE having my kids home, I love the sound of them, the chaos, the laughter, the busyness and yes, I have to say, even the sibling bickering (what would life be without the opinions of each one?) so when its time for one to leave, a chunk of my heart breaks off; next to marrying my BEST FRIEND, Den, these kids have been the best thing that ever happened to me. God knew exactly what He was doing when he blessed me with 12. They have put me, and continually put me through a refining process; one no doubt that will continue. Trying to parent children from ages 30-2 is a huge undertaking; the age span alone is a challenge; each child is different yet alike in many ways, each one unique, yet individual and each one very close to the others.
There is absolutely no way I could do the job of "mom" without God's unbelievable help. Sometimes I don't always give Him the credit nor do I always look to Him but when my kids, one by one, start leaving our home I have no one to turn to but Him. They are His from beginning to end, and I am learning to trust that He knows all that they need to do, to become who He wants them to be. Of course I want them to become who they need to be "close" to me but that doesn't seem to be the case now, with four sons living in four very different areas of the country and one soon to be enlisting in the Army and moving to who knows where. And as much as my heart breaks and cries out for life to be "what it used to be" I know that its inevitable. Growing, learning, maturing, letting-go its what's supposed to happen. Yet, why is it so PAINFUL, why am I having such a hard time, why can't I be like other moms who find it easy to "let go"? I am reminded of how God must have felt when He gave His only son (I have 10) to die for us. How painful it must have felt to see him hung on a cross, pleading, knowing that through His son's death we could live. God has an amazing way of putting life into perspective. I am thankful He loves me, cares about me, and wants the best for me, even if that means seeing my children move all over the country. They need to find God, for themselves, their own way, so they can be the "warriors" He's called them to be.
So..........I say to my sons, "go, be, and do what God has engrained into your lives, making sure you leave lasting footprints, of your journey, that others, who come behind, will see Christ through you!
I love you, each and everyone of you!!
There is absolutely no way I could do the job of "mom" without God's unbelievable help. Sometimes I don't always give Him the credit nor do I always look to Him but when my kids, one by one, start leaving our home I have no one to turn to but Him. They are His from beginning to end, and I am learning to trust that He knows all that they need to do, to become who He wants them to be. Of course I want them to become who they need to be "close" to me but that doesn't seem to be the case now, with four sons living in four very different areas of the country and one soon to be enlisting in the Army and moving to who knows where. And as much as my heart breaks and cries out for life to be "what it used to be" I know that its inevitable. Growing, learning, maturing, letting-go its what's supposed to happen. Yet, why is it so PAINFUL, why am I having such a hard time, why can't I be like other moms who find it easy to "let go"? I am reminded of how God must have felt when He gave His only son (I have 10) to die for us. How painful it must have felt to see him hung on a cross, pleading, knowing that through His son's death we could live. God has an amazing way of putting life into perspective. I am thankful He loves me, cares about me, and wants the best for me, even if that means seeing my children move all over the country. They need to find God, for themselves, their own way, so they can be the "warriors" He's called them to be.
So..........I say to my sons, "go, be, and do what God has engrained into your lives, making sure you leave lasting footprints, of your journey, that others, who come behind, will see Christ through you!
I love you, each and everyone of you!!
6 comments:
as I read your post my eyes are stingy and blurry . . . the way you describe life with your children and then them growing up and moving away . . . intense, encouraging and heartbreaking all at the same time.
Hugs to you Dear Friend as you go through another "first" as a Mom.
I'm sure that many would say that it gets easier every time, but I know that is not the case. For us that have dedicated our lives to raising our children, goodbyes are never easy. I sat through Boogie's preschool registration and cried the whole time. I've never had to say goodbye. My hubby gets up every day and says goodbye.
It is true that God entrusts us for a time with his children. You have to rest in his promises knowing that you've done your part in raising a godly person.
You're an awesome mom...Sending my hugs your way too!
You always have such a great way of saying stuff!!
In all your "good-byes", it's nice that you can look forward to future "hello agains!", as you know any one of your far-off children would love and cherish a visit from you & Den (and whoever else could come along!).
good-byes are never easy, that is for sure. like Julie said, at least you know there will be many future 'hellos'
Hoping this week is laid-back and carefree!
Holy cow! I was the same way. Never wanted the vacations to end and dreaded the beginning of the school year, semester, whatever. Erin and her family are in Virginia. Dave is home but in the Marine Corps and deployed right now. I am thankful for Jaclyn and that she will always live with us.
As my children grow older, I worry and are more saddened to say goodbye when they go to school/visit friends. I haven't even reached the driving years and college goodbyes yet. I am getting more and more glimpses of what is coming my way as they continue to grow. I liked your post as you said it well by tying in how God must have felt when He gave His Only Son to die for us. Thank you for this writing. :)
Post a Comment